Memories

Here's my Plurk stat for the week, there are certain memories that you share with certain people, and some that you couldn't, wouldn't, and shouldn't.

Love Stories

So, I'm looking at my Blogger profile and saw my list of movies. My eyes went wide. My jaws dropped. My cheeks flushed.

It's mostly love stories!!!

Seriously??? Tsk. Not that... I hate love stories, or that I was one of those people who go "Yuck. Eww. Gross." over mushy and corny love stories because I do love them. I mean how could I not love love stories? It's cute, beautiful, and endearing! Other people's love stories, that is. Why is that???

That when you look at other people's love stories, hear about their love stories, or read about their love stories, it's still wonderful and exquisite even if it's the most heart-wrenching, mental-breaking, soul-ripping, wrist-cutting, identity-losing love stories in existence!

But when it comes to ours (mine at least ;-p), it's flat out devastatingly ugly. But we (because I'm wishfully thinking that there are others out there like me) learn. And if we don't learn right away following one heck of a devastatingly ugly--the brutal, gruesome kind--relationship, there's always the next, and the next after that, and hopefully the next and last.

I finally say last because we don't wanna keep learning after and after each failed attempt, do we? Life is short and temporary, after all. And we actually want to live the cute-beautiful-and-endearing love story, the kind that we see, hear, and read about. 'Ya?

Don't Miss This.

I could never get tired of this song. This is just one of the most elevating and purest composition ever made. It's a privilege and honor to be able to hear it from anywhere through anything. I was working on another post for my other blog @ Scintillating Epiphanies, and this song played on my Zen, so I thought I'd share it to some of you who maybe haven't experienced this simple pleasure yet. ;-)

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

I really love this song from RENT. It's simple yet poignant. It's straightforward and true. I never took the time to think about what this particular song means to me until now... only because I feel compelled to share the events of today that are slowly dissipating from my mind.

I woke up feeling a bit anxious because I needed to go to LJ and get my transcript for EMC. When I finally have, I was relieved to see my increased grade point average. It was definitely better than what I had expected. Although it wasn't much of a progress since the last time I checked it with my counselor, the fact that I did better than the last time elated me so much that I immediately exited the building.

I showed it to my mum who was waiting in the car along with my younger brother. And she squealed in delight. It wasn't long enough until we were calculating for the percentile my gpa belonged. Top 10%. And it was actually hovering just .1 above 9. I couldn't believe it. My mum had to literally convince me that I was seeing what I was seeing.

I just really want to praise God for giving me more than what I had asked for. Ever since my counselor told me about the scholarship for EMC, if I reached top 15%, I had honestly been only praying for the break-through opportunity to reach the top 15% spot. Fifteen percent. All the time. It never occured to me to ask Him to give me more, IF HE COULD. And do you realize how arrogant of me that was? Questioning His capability? Yet, He gave more than what I had asked for. It's truly humbling.

And then strings of conversations in the car and at Sam's Club over some cheap overcooked pizza combo; the list isn't in any particular order:

• five kids... A LOT.
• minority...discrimination...healthcare.
• LIFE is all about who you know.
• taking risks is sometimes better and beneficial than what we are accustomed to.
• organized and functional VS chaotic and dysfunctional.
• God's help.
• independent vs dependent.
• being proud of Daddy.

And a whole lot more that I couldn't remember at the moment...

So back to the song. For me, it reminds me that our choices today will affect who we become tomorrow. It reminds me that life is what it is in the present, and there's no point in looking back at the past--wishing that things would go back to how it used to be--because of one simple fact: today. And though time is ever moving forward at its steady pace, we only have the situations we're in today to live through. In a foolish effort to compete with time, dreaming constantly of the future, we remain the losing side. We are chained to today.

So don't fight the negative circumstances as much. Embrace every positive thing in your life with every fiber of gratitude in your being. Celebrate them both...

... because at the end of today, we learn from it. We understand it. We accept it. We move forward with time.

Status

So here's my Myspace status for the week:

"the best way to live and appreciate life's beauty is to LIVE."

Mommy!

Here's a truth. I have been sleeping in my parent's bedroom since a couple of weeks ago because my room is messy. My bedroom is just impossible to sleep in at the moment because I'm in a "decluttering phase." I decided during one random afternoon that I would just clean some uneccesary HS junk in my room, probably rearrange the furnitures, and hang up some wall decor. That didn't happen in the weekend I intented to do most of this "decluttering."

So, off to my parents' bedroom I slept. It's just me and my mum by the way, since my dad's back at his work in California. And so every night, it gets super hot. And every night, it gets emotional all thanks to this one soft rock station where callers request songs for their loved ones. It's hard for me to block off music, OK? And considering that I can't manage to fully tune things in general out, I couldn't help but listen to the radio.

Last night, the most heartfelt dedication I heard was about this mother who had chosen to give her daughter up for adoption. That loss was pretty much new and raw given that it's only been nine months. It irritated me a little because the radio host had asked her if the decision still breaks her heart up until now. Hello?! Insensitive much? The woman said that it does, whenever she thinks about it. And she went on to ask the radio host to choose the song for her because she doesn't know what particular song to dedicate for her nine-month-old daughter.

The song played. I don't know the title. I don't know the artist's name. But it was just so lyrical and deeply moving that I started crying. And I hate it when I cry because of a song/film/book/painting/picture because it takes too long for me to stop. I wouldn't be able to stop myself. So, I was there. My mum's already asleep. I was crying my eyes out. My nose was running. And I was afraid of making the slightest sound because I didn't want my mum to think I was crying for no reason.

But I actually was! The unknown song just made me realized how lucky my siblings and I are for having her as a parent. Like no joke. She sacrificed so much for us. And no matter how ungrateful children we seem to her, she doesn't give up on us. I really, really, love her!

Moving Forward

Venus de Milo. My mum and I were shopping at Arizona Mills, when we found this house decor store with this amazing replica for sale in it. And I was just like, "Mi, can I have this?" I have been an avid fan of ancient Greek human sculptures for as long as I can remember, coupled with my passion for beauty, art, and semi-obsession with Greek gods and goddesses, especially Aphrodite, I knew I had to have this. Looking at it in the house truly makes me content and happy.

After many months--years I should say--of going back and forth on going back home to Philippines and finishing my studies there, I finally decided to stay here in Arizona!

And I have to say that there's just something extremely relieving with that choice. Looking back, it's all quite funny now. But I've grown up believing that everything happens for a reason, that every experience is a lesson. Ahhhh! I'm just really blown away by everything that has happened up until this point. I couldn't find the right words to express it. Basically, I'm just happy with where I am right now considering that I still think I'm losing some people that have been with me since I was a little kid. But hey, people come and go. And I should just learn to accept that. I feel a bit weirded out because I used to see myself as the friend who's always there to hold the group together, but not anymore. I'm set on moving forward with my life. If that means I'm losing some people along the way, then so be it. Take one of my oldest friends for example. She had a falling out with a group of friends--who were also some of my closest friends--and she turned to me for support. Which I did. I encouraged her to talk to them and just sort things out. And now that I hear they're OK, I'm invisible to her. That was irritating by the way. But I didn't go full-on against her until I caught her on Facebook, where she'd rather play poker first than talk to me who she always claims she's missing. So, delete... delete... delete. I don't need someone like her ruining my day and I'm tired of her excuses. Life is truly funny and ironic. We never know what's going to happen next.

Paisley Love

Senior year of high school is finally OVER. Soooo, officially over! Admittedly, it's a lil' bit strange, only because I was the eighth grader who looked ahead into her future and wondered how on earth she was going to get there and when she finally did, was the journey what she had dreamt of? Or maybe even expected from herself? The obvious reality is no. A simple, plain, flat out no. All because of a seven letter D word I had learned in Mr.Broeske's Creative Writing class: D-E-V-I-A-T-E.

I started this blog about Monday of this week I think, which is the day of my last finals. Literally my last day as a 12th grader. I think I did pretty well in some of my exams considering that I was stressing out in all of them, and I don't work well under pressure.

Tuesday was my last day at school because of graduation rehearsal that wasn't much of a rehearsal, by the way. We just sat there and listened to the principal's instructions and whatnot. That was a complete waste of time since it was something obvious thanks to a lil' something called common sense. But it was fast, and I accompanied my mum to her workplace since she had a meeting. After that, we were off to the mall to buy a white dress with a black satin layered band and full of black and blue floral and abstract paisley shapes, and of course my shoes!!!

And then the big day. Woot woot! So yeah, I got a lil' bit cranky because I felt heavy with the big earrings, the curly hair, the toga, the cap, and the heels. We were supposed to get to the stadium by 11:45am-12nn. So, my family and I arrived at the University of Phoenix Stadium just in time. And my mum was trying to get pictures, and I was getting irritated because I thought I wouldn't make it in time to do whatever it is that needs to be done before graduation. And tut. We had to wait in line for a good thirty minutes or something, and it was really hot outside. My feet were hurting. And I was just like, why are some girls wearing 6inch highheels??? Craaaaziness. Once inside, a couple of teachers and guards checked us for inappropriate things. And then, the ugly part: we had to walk four flights of ramps all the way to the base of the stadium. Plain, downright madness... considering that the escalators were there for use. That really ticked me off. So I had a choice to make. Either walk all the way with my shoes on and lose the circulation in my feet OR take my shoes off and walk barefoot. I did the latter. And others followed suit. Ha! A few last minute instructions. We sang our school song for the last time as senior students. And we were off to the actual graduation ceremony. Woooohooooo!!! I swear, I was so ecstatic, I don't think I minded my feet hurting so much.

About 2pm on Wednesday, I became an '09 LJCHS graduate! Time truly flashes in a speed of lightning. Senior year had its ups and downs. And it definitely had its own accomplishments and failures, which meant it was just full of lessons. I met awesome people. I befriended inspiring individuals. And my experiences as a senior were mostly unforgettable. But since highschool is over, HELLO REAL WORLD.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRegrets

In my short years of existence, I've always heard people tell other people to not have regrets for a number of reasons: life is short, wrinkles are ugly to look at, past is past, stress are fattening, always live for tomorrow, blah blah blah, and etc. because the list freakin' goes on. With that, also comes the realization that telling other people to not regret anything is easier said than done. And some people who think that it's annoying are mostly the ones who believe that it's hypocritical because seriously... how many people can retrospect and truthfully say they do not have any regrets whatsoever? None, right?

The thing is, at some point in our lives, we regret something. When there are lost opportunities, we regret. When we miss random chances, we regret. When we make mistakes, we regret. When we fail to do something, we regret. When we hurt someone's feelings, we regret. When we just do something negative, we regret. That's just how life rolls.

Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who are easily misled and misguided. And for the life of me, I don't usually realize how much easily I believe people when they say things like regretting your past will make you look ugly. Which is incredibly sad. Trust me. So don't be like me people. Be free from that kind of self-imprisoning belief. See? There. This paragraph right here is an example of regret.

So I'm going to backtrack. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to simply let go and blog about what I've learned about regrets and regretting certain things in my life. Hopefully, it will teach you a thing or two. So that you'll remember how to live freely as best as you can for the same reasons people tell other people to not regret. Simply scroll up.

In the words of a complete, unbelievable jackass whom I almost fell for in a I'm-Going-To-Cook-Him-Dinner-For-Valentines'-Night (but this is another story ;-p), "Don't fight the inevitable." And that is exactly what regrets are, inevitable. How? We're imperfect human beings programmed to endure "Trial & Error" lives, naturally making mistakes along the way. End result? A guaranteed, inevitable regret. It may be small and short-lived. Or haunting and lifelong. Either way, it's still a regret. And it's something we shouldn't stress about. It's something we shouldn't fight.

The thing is, regrets are meant to be lessons. And just like all lessons, we all need to be open-minded about it, yeah? First, we must be accepting that past is past, and that there's no use in crying over spilt milk. Why? Because of the ever flowing river of time... because things do get better in time.

"Robot Vaginas"

Lately in 7th hour, I think I've really been doing well. I've been concentrating on actual math lessons, working on math problems, while trying to figure out why-on-Earth math and anything math related exists. Because seriously???

Not that I don't love math, or anything. Because I really do. I dig the whole "trial-and-error" concept. I oooh and ahhh (silently, of course!) like a mesmerized five-year-old kid gazing at fireworks. I've come to realized that a person can't help but oooh and ahhh when he/she--such as myself--finally learns a new mathematical theory/concept/whatever. That's an embarrassing thing to admit, but it's OK. I will get over it. Because let's be real here, to be able to truly understand a particular mathematical theory is a feat. No joke. Hence, the admiration for awesome math teachers and freeeeaaakin' awesome math geniuses in the past who took the time and energy to make math simpler for us. Woot woot! :)

As you can see, I'm to the point of excessively rambling, so I'll get to the actual topic... Bob's* and Tom's* interesting conversation yesterday during math class about "Robot Vaginas." Hahahaha! I couldn't stop laughing. Poor Bob. But it was just so incredibly super funny yet randomly outrageous that I couldn't stop LOL-ing for Bob's sake.

This is how this whole wacky event happened:

Tom, who is one of Bob's closest friends, came by to Bob's and my aisle. He occupied the seat directly behind Bob, so that he could easily engage Bob in a conversation. So, it's just whatever right? Tom, to Bob's left. Me, to Bob's right. And in front of us, cause Bob and I were facing the aisle, were the Girls, who were busy with their own conversations in rapid Spanish. So, it's all good. It's the normal flow of things in math class after all... when Tom goes, "So Bob, did you bang the robot vagina last night?"

WHAAAAAAT??? A robot whaaaaat?

So I burst out laughing, teasing the two of them about it. Bob, who was beet root red in the face, explained to me that it was a video game. Uh-huh. So I asked, "What kind of game is this?" Tom says, RPG. That explains it! I stopped asking questions, but continued to laugh as I listened more to their exchange of "robot vaginas." Bob, meanwhile, was mortified in an I'm-ready-to-see-the-light kind of way. In an effort to be nice and make Bob comfortable, I managed to straighten my face for a few seconds, long enough to tell Tom to change the topic and not to talk about that kind of thing in public. And I laughed out loud again.

That got me to thinking while I was walking to the gates after school. Was that experience just one of the hundreds, maybe even thousands, of "Men-are-from-Mars-and-Women-are-from-Venus" examples out there? Because honestly, I don't think I could ever understand the concept of an RPG game that includes "robot vaginas" ready to be "bang[ed]." It's incredibly beyond me. Like seriously???

What on Earth is freeeakin' happening to my generation today?! Learning about this RPG game--I forgot the name--is completely unsettling. Yeah, I was laughing about it. But so would you too, if you ever come across something mind boggling, something scandalizing, something ridiculous as that. And let's hope, you'd not, because it's honestly disturbing. And these guys are not the stereotypical geeky-slash-nerdy highschool students who couldn't get a date, OK? These are a couple of intelligent, insightful, and good-looking individuals who are not afraid to show their soft side. Hence, the eye-bulging, jaw-dropping moment.

Needless to say that in those few minutes, I wanted to be the "Ignorance-is-Bliss" believer. ;-) Ironic much? Yesterday, Sammy learned a valuable lesson for sure.

*altered names

B.B.W. (bugok.buta.whatever)

The first week of my last semester in highschool finally came by and went; and I must say that this is the semester I have been looking forward to in agonizing anticipation ever since middle school. Therefore, as the week slowly progressed into an incredible hazy blur, the dream eventually became the reality. Too much of a reality in fact, that I was sleep deprived more than ever in my short years of existence, that I was limited from pursuing other personal short-term goals, that I was actually reduced to trying to catch up with my own life. Seriously. No kidding!!!

Consequently--due to an extreme case of weariness--I broke two New Year's Resolution: reading the Bible daily, blogging every night before bed. I was prepared for this, to be quite honest. Pastor Allan did say that resolutions are doomed to fail. Plus, I am still lacking the amount of determination in order to persevere. I simply need to push myself to try harder. It's all up to us after all. And a conversation with the Phantom, this week, reinforced the familiar lesson in my lead. Depending on others--whether our family or our friends--to change what bothers us or infuriates us about ourselves isn't going to cut it; and waiting for them to push us to our limits isn't enough either, because at the end of the day, it's our own personal push, our own self-motivation and determination that exerts the most weight. Our own efforts are what we need and what matter the most when we wish to improve our lifestyle and state of being for without our painstaking exertion, the assistance of others are fruitless.

Speaking of efforts... I just realize that several people--of whom I am close and acquainted with--do not understand the significance of Effort is in relationships. Either that, or they simply don't care. Nevertheless, this epiphany, I admit, is both astounding and disturbing. I mean, jeeeeeeezzzz! No wonder these same people take me, others, and even themselves for granted. Swear, it's one of the nuttiest thing! Everrrr!!! An "i-love-you" is neither an excuse nor an invitation for people to disappoint and break hearts or take advantage of certain well-known weaknesses. And to all the B.B.W. (bugok, buta, whatevers) of this universe, treat your significant others with love and respect, and do not take their presence, support and affection for granted--because once they decide to leave, you'll realize the ugly truth, that all you have is nothing. And while I'm at it, ka-ayahay ba gud ninyo nga kamo ang apas-apason! nga kamo pa jud ang hilak-hilakan! nga kamo pa jud ang gipang-higugmaan!!! You're all so despicably stupid and blind that you don't realize the damages you've inflicted. Tapos, kamo pa ang maghangyo-hangyo nga wala'y biyabiya-ay! What an effin load of bullcrap! Which leads me to what the Phantom rightfully said earlier today, "you have to leave something for yourself." Spot on! Korek Micanor!!! But this all sadly goes back to the simple fact, doesn't it? It all goes back to what Mr. Lucca said about the problem that arises from trusting in our common senses as an alternative to the scientific method, that "common sense isn't always common practice." Grawwwrrr! Now I am annoyed to the nth degree! Kei nganong magpatuga-tuga ug panguyab unya dili man diay dayon maningkamot?! nga dili man gali dayon makipaglaban, ug ibaliwara ra diay dayon pagkadugayan. Obvious kaayo nga gidugo ko nohhh? ;p

Right, enough with the unfabulous-ness. I sound and seem extremely ooooglieeee na. Hahaha!

Indignant for myself, my friends [Abigail, Carmela, Teresa, Faye], my acquaintances, and other B.B.W. victims out there.

Fight the power and be in control. =]

Infinity

"Take my empty body and discover me, infinity."

- Merrick

Of Light and Fire

Just as I begin to think that I am void and incapable of realizing a dream, an inescapable desire possesses me. And I wonder, is the seemingly unreachable star truly getting larger? Or is the picture all inside my head, borne from a simple yet mad desire to live a dream? ;p

"Wise Counsel for the New Year"

It's really fortunate that I didn't miss today's service @ VICC because I enjoyed it. More so, during the Praise & Worship segment, I realized that I've never really love going to church until then, which is surprising, considering how I've been growing up. Not that I hated it or any related term, I wasn't just used to such an environment. Plus, Pastor Allan G. is--for a lack of a better term--cool. Yes, that's right. Cool. Whenever he takes the podium and speaks God's message, it's never monotone. And instead of merely teaching us God's word, he uses heartwarming and humurous stories to make his points across. The Message segments are always interesting and englightening, because he makes it incredibly easy for his audience to relate to.

Today's church service was not different--except maybe for one: today's service corresponds with the spirit of New Year.

"What is New Year? Why is it called New Year?" Pastor Allan asks the audience for his opening. Then he continues to tell us that "the word new brings about the meaning of welcome." And that, "as we journey through life, the new things change and vary. For Christians, new things, by grace and faith, means new birth, new life, provided for the new covenant." Pastor Allan, then pauses, to allow his words to create the effect it should, eagerness and anticipation. "New," he goes on, "is a big word. New possibilities. New hopes. New opportunities! There are 52 new weeks, 365 new days, 8760 hours, 525 000 minutes, and every second is God's gift!!!"

All I could do was smile, because what he said is true. While I was sitting there on the second row, next to my younger brother, I knew I was one of those people who felt lucky to be there in that moment. I was one of those people who felt extremely grateful to be still here today, witnessing God's beautiful creation, experiencing the path He has planned for me, and feeling His love.

"We have a lot of goals we have not yet achieved, and instead of making resolutions to attain them, we should set goals by God's plan," Pastor Allan said.

But as I sat there, I became aware of the fact that I was losing him. How can we set up our goals if we don't even know what God's plan is?

It wouldn't take too long for me to answer the my own question because he answers it himself. Without even hearing it, he answers it. And that characteristic is another great quality of Pastor Allan's. He's clear, and he always clarifies for us.

"Discover God's plan instead of coming up with new resolutions," because according to him, "resolutions are doomed to fail." In the beginning, we are determined to follow through, but somewhere sometime, our own determinations fail us, therefore, failing in our attempts altogether. Then, Pastor Allan finishes his opening remark with "God's plan has no timetable."

Isn't that amazing? For someone like me, who's always been a time-conscious freak, Pastor Allan's declaration calmed me. It was just so reassuring to hear it because despite the actual time that God will use--whether it's tomorrow, the next day, next week, in five years, 25 years--it wouldn't matter. It will come, when it comes. Therefore, we should have nothing to worry about. And if we worry still, we should let go of the anxiety, allow Lord to carry it for us, and trust in Him completely.

Also, the thing about Pastor Allan's proclamation is, it holds true for why we shouldn't have resolutions. Aside from the fact that it wouldn't work out, following through our resolutions can be frustrating. We don't want to add further frustrations into our lives. And if we are to make changes within our lives, it should be by God's word.

And in the spirit of New Year, King Solomon has a wise advice for us to follow in Proverbs 3:1-35.

1. LET LOVE AND FAITHFULNESS NEVER LEAVE YOU. (PROVERBS 3:3-4)
2. TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL OF YOUR HEART. (PROVERBS 3:5-6)
3. DO NOT BE WISE IN YOUR OWN EYES. (PROVERBS 3:7-8)
4. HONOR THE LORD WITH YOUR WEALTH. (PROVERBS 3:9-10)
5. DO NOT DESPITE THE LORD'S DISCIPLINE. (PROVERBS 3:11-12)
6. SEARCH DILIGENTLY FOR WISDOM AND FIND IT. (PROVERBS 3:13-24)
7. DO NOT BE AFRAID. (PROVERBS 3:25-26)
8. DO NOT WITHHOLD GOOD FROM THOSE WHO DESERVE IT. (PROVERBS 3:27-28)
9. DO NOT PLOT HARM AGAINST YOUR NEIGHBOR (PROVERBS 3:31-32)
10. DO NOT ENVY A VIOLENT MAN OR CHOOSE ANY OF HIS WAYS. (PROVERBS 3:31-32)

ADDITIONAL PROMISES AND COMMANDS: "The Lord's curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the righteous. He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble. The wise inherit honor, but fools he holds up to shame." (PROVERBS 3:33-35)

Pastor Allan ends his message with, "Though two thousand and nine looks dark, dim, and difficult, it is a new year full of opportunities to seek God, to rebuild our relationship with him, and to follow the wise counsel of King Solomon."

The Disease of Laziness/Dream a Little Dream

I woke up late again today, around 11am. That's soooo effin' bad!!! School starts this monday, and I've gotten used to sleeping extremely late over the holidays. A friend says that I'm simply being "too tense and too uptight."

BUT I DON'T THINK SO!

Time just isn't what it used to be anymore. When we are children, we can count on adults to carry--and if need be, drag--us to places where we should be. We can count on our parents or guardians to threat us with spanking, whenever we show signs of straying. Sometimes, we just depend on them too much that we forget we've gotten older; that we should be able to do certain simple routines alone, without them yelling their heads off to remind us. And depending on our situations, there just comes a time, when being independent and responsible begins.

That's why I'm unhappy. I don't have the luxury of either parent waking me up from sweet slumber anymore. In fact, it's the other way around. They are always too tired from work, which is understandable, considering their jobs are tedious and wearisome. The thing is, it's winter. And just like some people, it's the season when I have trouble in the mornings because of the cold, when all I really want to do is stay underneath my comforter. And purely because of that, I feel like I'm becoming even more lazier than usual. Grrrrrrrr to the extreme!!!

And speaking of laziness, one of my closest friends, has said: Being lazy is like harboring a disease that's hard to cure. And I couldn't agree more. I can feel it growing and flowing inside me, taking hold of what little energy and resolution I have within me. Now, that just sucks. Period. Because laziness impedes us from acting. It stops us from living. Laziness is one of those ugly inhibiting factors in our lives. It's a force of nature, which--if you're unwilling and undetermined to prevent--would surely and easily blow you over. Laziness reminds me of...

The Phantom and Cooper, though the two of them have different cases.

The Phantom is resilient. He has determination to follow the things he wants to do through. He is just--in his own words--lazy. While Cooper on the other hand, knows what she needs to do. She only seems to be lacking the amount of self-confidence needed, as well as determination. Lacking so much in fact, that "it's making [her] go lazy."

For the Phantom, who already has his resources (and who I believe is taking it for granted), doesn't really have much of a problem to worry about. He just has to realize that he's old enough to be taking responsibilities into his own hands as it comes. Sure, he has several older and trustworthy relatives, whom he can depend on. But seriously??? Why on earth should he hold on to and wait for people to do his obligations when he's perfectly capable of doing them himself? And that goes for the rest of us. ;p

As for poor Coop, I'm really worried about her. She's undergoing through some difficult personal challenges right now. Whenever she talks about it, I feel completely helpless because I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid I might come off as tactless. And sometimes, I totally feel like I'm being such a negligent friend. Her family members are so emotionally distant that she's having a hard time confiding in them. They're also unsupportive of her and her dreams that it's come to a point where she's stopped herself from realizing them, because according to her, "there's no use, it's pointless."

To that end, I can very much relate to. My parents are unsupportive too. But, HELLO?! It's true that parents' lack of support in regards to what we want to do and achieve for our futures can lessen the joy of the ride, but we shouldn't allow it to block our paths to the finish line. Being able to dream, being able to feel passionate about, and being able to have the resources we need in order to achieve our personal aspirations are God given gifts. They are blessings that we should fight for to keep. They are blessings that we should do our best to not take it for granted. Life is short after all. The important things to remember are that there will always be distractions along the sidelines and obstacles along the way. We can't avoid these no matter how hard we try, because life is a test.

And I believe it's only through our faith in God, our confidence in ourselves, our dedication in our efforts, our perserverance to endure, and the burning flame within us, that we are able to overcome whatever it is that's stopping us from living our dreams.

Keep Breathing! Keep Dreaming! Keep Living!

Blindness

An old friend and classmate in gradeschool had just asked me if I've ever felt like I'm missing out on the greatest thing in my life. The honest answer is, of course, yes. But when I answered it, it was an empty simple and direct answer. The word was quite meaningless.

When asked personal Life questions like that, I don't usually answer in single words, because I normally explain myself, so that the people asking me could understand my perception, and where I'm coming from.

The thing is, I've always felt that I'm missing out on the greatest thing in my life. And my little theory is, it's because I don't even know what "the greatest thing in my life" is yet. I've honestly never paused to think about it. Ever. Before.

But now that I think about it, my years of discontent and bitterness most likely have affected my life and how I perceive it in general. That's why, as of this very moment, I believe that the greatest thing in my life is life itself.

Throughout my eighteen years of existence, I've always been discontented and to some extent, ungrateful for the countless of blessings that have been abundantly provided for me. There is--I strongly believe--a choice between seeing what there is and what there isn't. And as you can probably imagine, I chose to be blind. Because I was selfish and stubborn, I refused to see, and I turned my back on the opportunities and the people who matter.

Therefore, I really am thankful to Faye for asking me this question. A part of my New Year's resolution is to be positive, and to see the picture in a much brighter light. It's always been like that. Because she had asked me this question earlier in the year, I have more time to exercise these resolutions and hopefully, master them as I go along the year.

New Years are all about new beginnings after all. It's a chance for us to change what is bothering us, to correct what isn't working for us, and to live a much better year than the last.

Cheers to a new beginning!!!

"We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day."

- Edith Lovejoy Pierce