B.B.W. (bugok.buta.whatever)

The first week of my last semester in highschool finally came by and went; and I must say that this is the semester I have been looking forward to in agonizing anticipation ever since middle school. Therefore, as the week slowly progressed into an incredible hazy blur, the dream eventually became the reality. Too much of a reality in fact, that I was sleep deprived more than ever in my short years of existence, that I was limited from pursuing other personal short-term goals, that I was actually reduced to trying to catch up with my own life. Seriously. No kidding!!!

Consequently--due to an extreme case of weariness--I broke two New Year's Resolution: reading the Bible daily, blogging every night before bed. I was prepared for this, to be quite honest. Pastor Allan did say that resolutions are doomed to fail. Plus, I am still lacking the amount of determination in order to persevere. I simply need to push myself to try harder. It's all up to us after all. And a conversation with the Phantom, this week, reinforced the familiar lesson in my lead. Depending on others--whether our family or our friends--to change what bothers us or infuriates us about ourselves isn't going to cut it; and waiting for them to push us to our limits isn't enough either, because at the end of the day, it's our own personal push, our own self-motivation and determination that exerts the most weight. Our own efforts are what we need and what matter the most when we wish to improve our lifestyle and state of being for without our painstaking exertion, the assistance of others are fruitless.

Speaking of efforts... I just realize that several people--of whom I am close and acquainted with--do not understand the significance of Effort is in relationships. Either that, or they simply don't care. Nevertheless, this epiphany, I admit, is both astounding and disturbing. I mean, jeeeeeeezzzz! No wonder these same people take me, others, and even themselves for granted. Swear, it's one of the nuttiest thing! Everrrr!!! An "i-love-you" is neither an excuse nor an invitation for people to disappoint and break hearts or take advantage of certain well-known weaknesses. And to all the B.B.W. (bugok, buta, whatevers) of this universe, treat your significant others with love and respect, and do not take their presence, support and affection for granted--because once they decide to leave, you'll realize the ugly truth, that all you have is nothing. And while I'm at it, ka-ayahay ba gud ninyo nga kamo ang apas-apason! nga kamo pa jud ang hilak-hilakan! nga kamo pa jud ang gipang-higugmaan!!! You're all so despicably stupid and blind that you don't realize the damages you've inflicted. Tapos, kamo pa ang maghangyo-hangyo nga wala'y biyabiya-ay! What an effin load of bullcrap! Which leads me to what the Phantom rightfully said earlier today, "you have to leave something for yourself." Spot on! Korek Micanor!!! But this all sadly goes back to the simple fact, doesn't it? It all goes back to what Mr. Lucca said about the problem that arises from trusting in our common senses as an alternative to the scientific method, that "common sense isn't always common practice." Grawwwrrr! Now I am annoyed to the nth degree! Kei nganong magpatuga-tuga ug panguyab unya dili man diay dayon maningkamot?! nga dili man gali dayon makipaglaban, ug ibaliwara ra diay dayon pagkadugayan. Obvious kaayo nga gidugo ko nohhh? ;p

Right, enough with the unfabulous-ness. I sound and seem extremely ooooglieeee na. Hahaha!

Indignant for myself, my friends [Abigail, Carmela, Teresa, Faye], my acquaintances, and other B.B.W. victims out there.

Fight the power and be in control. =]

Infinity

"Take my empty body and discover me, infinity."

- Merrick

Of Light and Fire

Just as I begin to think that I am void and incapable of realizing a dream, an inescapable desire possesses me. And I wonder, is the seemingly unreachable star truly getting larger? Or is the picture all inside my head, borne from a simple yet mad desire to live a dream? ;p

"Wise Counsel for the New Year"

It's really fortunate that I didn't miss today's service @ VICC because I enjoyed it. More so, during the Praise & Worship segment, I realized that I've never really love going to church until then, which is surprising, considering how I've been growing up. Not that I hated it or any related term, I wasn't just used to such an environment. Plus, Pastor Allan G. is--for a lack of a better term--cool. Yes, that's right. Cool. Whenever he takes the podium and speaks God's message, it's never monotone. And instead of merely teaching us God's word, he uses heartwarming and humurous stories to make his points across. The Message segments are always interesting and englightening, because he makes it incredibly easy for his audience to relate to.

Today's church service was not different--except maybe for one: today's service corresponds with the spirit of New Year.

"What is New Year? Why is it called New Year?" Pastor Allan asks the audience for his opening. Then he continues to tell us that "the word new brings about the meaning of welcome." And that, "as we journey through life, the new things change and vary. For Christians, new things, by grace and faith, means new birth, new life, provided for the new covenant." Pastor Allan, then pauses, to allow his words to create the effect it should, eagerness and anticipation. "New," he goes on, "is a big word. New possibilities. New hopes. New opportunities! There are 52 new weeks, 365 new days, 8760 hours, 525 000 minutes, and every second is God's gift!!!"

All I could do was smile, because what he said is true. While I was sitting there on the second row, next to my younger brother, I knew I was one of those people who felt lucky to be there in that moment. I was one of those people who felt extremely grateful to be still here today, witnessing God's beautiful creation, experiencing the path He has planned for me, and feeling His love.

"We have a lot of goals we have not yet achieved, and instead of making resolutions to attain them, we should set goals by God's plan," Pastor Allan said.

But as I sat there, I became aware of the fact that I was losing him. How can we set up our goals if we don't even know what God's plan is?

It wouldn't take too long for me to answer the my own question because he answers it himself. Without even hearing it, he answers it. And that characteristic is another great quality of Pastor Allan's. He's clear, and he always clarifies for us.

"Discover God's plan instead of coming up with new resolutions," because according to him, "resolutions are doomed to fail." In the beginning, we are determined to follow through, but somewhere sometime, our own determinations fail us, therefore, failing in our attempts altogether. Then, Pastor Allan finishes his opening remark with "God's plan has no timetable."

Isn't that amazing? For someone like me, who's always been a time-conscious freak, Pastor Allan's declaration calmed me. It was just so reassuring to hear it because despite the actual time that God will use--whether it's tomorrow, the next day, next week, in five years, 25 years--it wouldn't matter. It will come, when it comes. Therefore, we should have nothing to worry about. And if we worry still, we should let go of the anxiety, allow Lord to carry it for us, and trust in Him completely.

Also, the thing about Pastor Allan's proclamation is, it holds true for why we shouldn't have resolutions. Aside from the fact that it wouldn't work out, following through our resolutions can be frustrating. We don't want to add further frustrations into our lives. And if we are to make changes within our lives, it should be by God's word.

And in the spirit of New Year, King Solomon has a wise advice for us to follow in Proverbs 3:1-35.

1. LET LOVE AND FAITHFULNESS NEVER LEAVE YOU. (PROVERBS 3:3-4)
2. TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL OF YOUR HEART. (PROVERBS 3:5-6)
3. DO NOT BE WISE IN YOUR OWN EYES. (PROVERBS 3:7-8)
4. HONOR THE LORD WITH YOUR WEALTH. (PROVERBS 3:9-10)
5. DO NOT DESPITE THE LORD'S DISCIPLINE. (PROVERBS 3:11-12)
6. SEARCH DILIGENTLY FOR WISDOM AND FIND IT. (PROVERBS 3:13-24)
7. DO NOT BE AFRAID. (PROVERBS 3:25-26)
8. DO NOT WITHHOLD GOOD FROM THOSE WHO DESERVE IT. (PROVERBS 3:27-28)
9. DO NOT PLOT HARM AGAINST YOUR NEIGHBOR (PROVERBS 3:31-32)
10. DO NOT ENVY A VIOLENT MAN OR CHOOSE ANY OF HIS WAYS. (PROVERBS 3:31-32)

ADDITIONAL PROMISES AND COMMANDS: "The Lord's curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the righteous. He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble. The wise inherit honor, but fools he holds up to shame." (PROVERBS 3:33-35)

Pastor Allan ends his message with, "Though two thousand and nine looks dark, dim, and difficult, it is a new year full of opportunities to seek God, to rebuild our relationship with him, and to follow the wise counsel of King Solomon."

The Disease of Laziness/Dream a Little Dream

I woke up late again today, around 11am. That's soooo effin' bad!!! School starts this monday, and I've gotten used to sleeping extremely late over the holidays. A friend says that I'm simply being "too tense and too uptight."

BUT I DON'T THINK SO!

Time just isn't what it used to be anymore. When we are children, we can count on adults to carry--and if need be, drag--us to places where we should be. We can count on our parents or guardians to threat us with spanking, whenever we show signs of straying. Sometimes, we just depend on them too much that we forget we've gotten older; that we should be able to do certain simple routines alone, without them yelling their heads off to remind us. And depending on our situations, there just comes a time, when being independent and responsible begins.

That's why I'm unhappy. I don't have the luxury of either parent waking me up from sweet slumber anymore. In fact, it's the other way around. They are always too tired from work, which is understandable, considering their jobs are tedious and wearisome. The thing is, it's winter. And just like some people, it's the season when I have trouble in the mornings because of the cold, when all I really want to do is stay underneath my comforter. And purely because of that, I feel like I'm becoming even more lazier than usual. Grrrrrrrr to the extreme!!!

And speaking of laziness, one of my closest friends, has said: Being lazy is like harboring a disease that's hard to cure. And I couldn't agree more. I can feel it growing and flowing inside me, taking hold of what little energy and resolution I have within me. Now, that just sucks. Period. Because laziness impedes us from acting. It stops us from living. Laziness is one of those ugly inhibiting factors in our lives. It's a force of nature, which--if you're unwilling and undetermined to prevent--would surely and easily blow you over. Laziness reminds me of...

The Phantom and Cooper, though the two of them have different cases.

The Phantom is resilient. He has determination to follow the things he wants to do through. He is just--in his own words--lazy. While Cooper on the other hand, knows what she needs to do. She only seems to be lacking the amount of self-confidence needed, as well as determination. Lacking so much in fact, that "it's making [her] go lazy."

For the Phantom, who already has his resources (and who I believe is taking it for granted), doesn't really have much of a problem to worry about. He just has to realize that he's old enough to be taking responsibilities into his own hands as it comes. Sure, he has several older and trustworthy relatives, whom he can depend on. But seriously??? Why on earth should he hold on to and wait for people to do his obligations when he's perfectly capable of doing them himself? And that goes for the rest of us. ;p

As for poor Coop, I'm really worried about her. She's undergoing through some difficult personal challenges right now. Whenever she talks about it, I feel completely helpless because I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid I might come off as tactless. And sometimes, I totally feel like I'm being such a negligent friend. Her family members are so emotionally distant that she's having a hard time confiding in them. They're also unsupportive of her and her dreams that it's come to a point where she's stopped herself from realizing them, because according to her, "there's no use, it's pointless."

To that end, I can very much relate to. My parents are unsupportive too. But, HELLO?! It's true that parents' lack of support in regards to what we want to do and achieve for our futures can lessen the joy of the ride, but we shouldn't allow it to block our paths to the finish line. Being able to dream, being able to feel passionate about, and being able to have the resources we need in order to achieve our personal aspirations are God given gifts. They are blessings that we should fight for to keep. They are blessings that we should do our best to not take it for granted. Life is short after all. The important things to remember are that there will always be distractions along the sidelines and obstacles along the way. We can't avoid these no matter how hard we try, because life is a test.

And I believe it's only through our faith in God, our confidence in ourselves, our dedication in our efforts, our perserverance to endure, and the burning flame within us, that we are able to overcome whatever it is that's stopping us from living our dreams.

Keep Breathing! Keep Dreaming! Keep Living!

Blindness

An old friend and classmate in gradeschool had just asked me if I've ever felt like I'm missing out on the greatest thing in my life. The honest answer is, of course, yes. But when I answered it, it was an empty simple and direct answer. The word was quite meaningless.

When asked personal Life questions like that, I don't usually answer in single words, because I normally explain myself, so that the people asking me could understand my perception, and where I'm coming from.

The thing is, I've always felt that I'm missing out on the greatest thing in my life. And my little theory is, it's because I don't even know what "the greatest thing in my life" is yet. I've honestly never paused to think about it. Ever. Before.

But now that I think about it, my years of discontent and bitterness most likely have affected my life and how I perceive it in general. That's why, as of this very moment, I believe that the greatest thing in my life is life itself.

Throughout my eighteen years of existence, I've always been discontented and to some extent, ungrateful for the countless of blessings that have been abundantly provided for me. There is--I strongly believe--a choice between seeing what there is and what there isn't. And as you can probably imagine, I chose to be blind. Because I was selfish and stubborn, I refused to see, and I turned my back on the opportunities and the people who matter.

Therefore, I really am thankful to Faye for asking me this question. A part of my New Year's resolution is to be positive, and to see the picture in a much brighter light. It's always been like that. Because she had asked me this question earlier in the year, I have more time to exercise these resolutions and hopefully, master them as I go along the year.

New Years are all about new beginnings after all. It's a chance for us to change what is bothering us, to correct what isn't working for us, and to live a much better year than the last.

Cheers to a new beginning!!!

"We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day."

- Edith Lovejoy Pierce