Don't Miss This.

I could never get tired of this song. This is just one of the most elevating and purest composition ever made. It's a privilege and honor to be able to hear it from anywhere through anything. I was working on another post for my other blog @ Scintillating Epiphanies, and this song played on my Zen, so I thought I'd share it to some of you who maybe haven't experienced this simple pleasure yet. ;-)

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

I really love this song from RENT. It's simple yet poignant. It's straightforward and true. I never took the time to think about what this particular song means to me until now... only because I feel compelled to share the events of today that are slowly dissipating from my mind.

I woke up feeling a bit anxious because I needed to go to LJ and get my transcript for EMC. When I finally have, I was relieved to see my increased grade point average. It was definitely better than what I had expected. Although it wasn't much of a progress since the last time I checked it with my counselor, the fact that I did better than the last time elated me so much that I immediately exited the building.

I showed it to my mum who was waiting in the car along with my younger brother. And she squealed in delight. It wasn't long enough until we were calculating for the percentile my gpa belonged. Top 10%. And it was actually hovering just .1 above 9. I couldn't believe it. My mum had to literally convince me that I was seeing what I was seeing.

I just really want to praise God for giving me more than what I had asked for. Ever since my counselor told me about the scholarship for EMC, if I reached top 15%, I had honestly been only praying for the break-through opportunity to reach the top 15% spot. Fifteen percent. All the time. It never occured to me to ask Him to give me more, IF HE COULD. And do you realize how arrogant of me that was? Questioning His capability? Yet, He gave more than what I had asked for. It's truly humbling.

And then strings of conversations in the car and at Sam's Club over some cheap overcooked pizza combo; the list isn't in any particular order:

• five kids... A LOT.
• minority...discrimination...healthcare.
• LIFE is all about who you know.
• taking risks is sometimes better and beneficial than what we are accustomed to.
• organized and functional VS chaotic and dysfunctional.
• God's help.
• independent vs dependent.
• being proud of Daddy.

And a whole lot more that I couldn't remember at the moment...

So back to the song. For me, it reminds me that our choices today will affect who we become tomorrow. It reminds me that life is what it is in the present, and there's no point in looking back at the past--wishing that things would go back to how it used to be--because of one simple fact: today. And though time is ever moving forward at its steady pace, we only have the situations we're in today to live through. In a foolish effort to compete with time, dreaming constantly of the future, we remain the losing side. We are chained to today.

So don't fight the negative circumstances as much. Embrace every positive thing in your life with every fiber of gratitude in your being. Celebrate them both...

... because at the end of today, we learn from it. We understand it. We accept it. We move forward with time.

Status

So here's my Myspace status for the week:

"the best way to live and appreciate life's beauty is to LIVE."

Mommy!

Here's a truth. I have been sleeping in my parent's bedroom since a couple of weeks ago because my room is messy. My bedroom is just impossible to sleep in at the moment because I'm in a "decluttering phase." I decided during one random afternoon that I would just clean some uneccesary HS junk in my room, probably rearrange the furnitures, and hang up some wall decor. That didn't happen in the weekend I intented to do most of this "decluttering."

So, off to my parents' bedroom I slept. It's just me and my mum by the way, since my dad's back at his work in California. And so every night, it gets super hot. And every night, it gets emotional all thanks to this one soft rock station where callers request songs for their loved ones. It's hard for me to block off music, OK? And considering that I can't manage to fully tune things in general out, I couldn't help but listen to the radio.

Last night, the most heartfelt dedication I heard was about this mother who had chosen to give her daughter up for adoption. That loss was pretty much new and raw given that it's only been nine months. It irritated me a little because the radio host had asked her if the decision still breaks her heart up until now. Hello?! Insensitive much? The woman said that it does, whenever she thinks about it. And she went on to ask the radio host to choose the song for her because she doesn't know what particular song to dedicate for her nine-month-old daughter.

The song played. I don't know the title. I don't know the artist's name. But it was just so lyrical and deeply moving that I started crying. And I hate it when I cry because of a song/film/book/painting/picture because it takes too long for me to stop. I wouldn't be able to stop myself. So, I was there. My mum's already asleep. I was crying my eyes out. My nose was running. And I was afraid of making the slightest sound because I didn't want my mum to think I was crying for no reason.

But I actually was! The unknown song just made me realized how lucky my siblings and I are for having her as a parent. Like no joke. She sacrificed so much for us. And no matter how ungrateful children we seem to her, she doesn't give up on us. I really, really, love her!

Moving Forward

Venus de Milo. My mum and I were shopping at Arizona Mills, when we found this house decor store with this amazing replica for sale in it. And I was just like, "Mi, can I have this?" I have been an avid fan of ancient Greek human sculptures for as long as I can remember, coupled with my passion for beauty, art, and semi-obsession with Greek gods and goddesses, especially Aphrodite, I knew I had to have this. Looking at it in the house truly makes me content and happy.

After many months--years I should say--of going back and forth on going back home to Philippines and finishing my studies there, I finally decided to stay here in Arizona!

And I have to say that there's just something extremely relieving with that choice. Looking back, it's all quite funny now. But I've grown up believing that everything happens for a reason, that every experience is a lesson. Ahhhh! I'm just really blown away by everything that has happened up until this point. I couldn't find the right words to express it. Basically, I'm just happy with where I am right now considering that I still think I'm losing some people that have been with me since I was a little kid. But hey, people come and go. And I should just learn to accept that. I feel a bit weirded out because I used to see myself as the friend who's always there to hold the group together, but not anymore. I'm set on moving forward with my life. If that means I'm losing some people along the way, then so be it. Take one of my oldest friends for example. She had a falling out with a group of friends--who were also some of my closest friends--and she turned to me for support. Which I did. I encouraged her to talk to them and just sort things out. And now that I hear they're OK, I'm invisible to her. That was irritating by the way. But I didn't go full-on against her until I caught her on Facebook, where she'd rather play poker first than talk to me who she always claims she's missing. So, delete... delete... delete. I don't need someone like her ruining my day and I'm tired of her excuses. Life is truly funny and ironic. We never know what's going to happen next.

Paisley Love

Senior year of high school is finally OVER. Soooo, officially over! Admittedly, it's a lil' bit strange, only because I was the eighth grader who looked ahead into her future and wondered how on earth she was going to get there and when she finally did, was the journey what she had dreamt of? Or maybe even expected from herself? The obvious reality is no. A simple, plain, flat out no. All because of a seven letter D word I had learned in Mr.Broeske's Creative Writing class: D-E-V-I-A-T-E.

I started this blog about Monday of this week I think, which is the day of my last finals. Literally my last day as a 12th grader. I think I did pretty well in some of my exams considering that I was stressing out in all of them, and I don't work well under pressure.

Tuesday was my last day at school because of graduation rehearsal that wasn't much of a rehearsal, by the way. We just sat there and listened to the principal's instructions and whatnot. That was a complete waste of time since it was something obvious thanks to a lil' something called common sense. But it was fast, and I accompanied my mum to her workplace since she had a meeting. After that, we were off to the mall to buy a white dress with a black satin layered band and full of black and blue floral and abstract paisley shapes, and of course my shoes!!!

And then the big day. Woot woot! So yeah, I got a lil' bit cranky because I felt heavy with the big earrings, the curly hair, the toga, the cap, and the heels. We were supposed to get to the stadium by 11:45am-12nn. So, my family and I arrived at the University of Phoenix Stadium just in time. And my mum was trying to get pictures, and I was getting irritated because I thought I wouldn't make it in time to do whatever it is that needs to be done before graduation. And tut. We had to wait in line for a good thirty minutes or something, and it was really hot outside. My feet were hurting. And I was just like, why are some girls wearing 6inch highheels??? Craaaaziness. Once inside, a couple of teachers and guards checked us for inappropriate things. And then, the ugly part: we had to walk four flights of ramps all the way to the base of the stadium. Plain, downright madness... considering that the escalators were there for use. That really ticked me off. So I had a choice to make. Either walk all the way with my shoes on and lose the circulation in my feet OR take my shoes off and walk barefoot. I did the latter. And others followed suit. Ha! A few last minute instructions. We sang our school song for the last time as senior students. And we were off to the actual graduation ceremony. Woooohooooo!!! I swear, I was so ecstatic, I don't think I minded my feet hurting so much.

About 2pm on Wednesday, I became an '09 LJCHS graduate! Time truly flashes in a speed of lightning. Senior year had its ups and downs. And it definitely had its own accomplishments and failures, which meant it was just full of lessons. I met awesome people. I befriended inspiring individuals. And my experiences as a senior were mostly unforgettable. But since highschool is over, HELLO REAL WORLD.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRegrets

In my short years of existence, I've always heard people tell other people to not have regrets for a number of reasons: life is short, wrinkles are ugly to look at, past is past, stress are fattening, always live for tomorrow, blah blah blah, and etc. because the list freakin' goes on. With that, also comes the realization that telling other people to not regret anything is easier said than done. And some people who think that it's annoying are mostly the ones who believe that it's hypocritical because seriously... how many people can retrospect and truthfully say they do not have any regrets whatsoever? None, right?

The thing is, at some point in our lives, we regret something. When there are lost opportunities, we regret. When we miss random chances, we regret. When we make mistakes, we regret. When we fail to do something, we regret. When we hurt someone's feelings, we regret. When we just do something negative, we regret. That's just how life rolls.

Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who are easily misled and misguided. And for the life of me, I don't usually realize how much easily I believe people when they say things like regretting your past will make you look ugly. Which is incredibly sad. Trust me. So don't be like me people. Be free from that kind of self-imprisoning belief. See? There. This paragraph right here is an example of regret.

So I'm going to backtrack. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to simply let go and blog about what I've learned about regrets and regretting certain things in my life. Hopefully, it will teach you a thing or two. So that you'll remember how to live freely as best as you can for the same reasons people tell other people to not regret. Simply scroll up.

In the words of a complete, unbelievable jackass whom I almost fell for in a I'm-Going-To-Cook-Him-Dinner-For-Valentines'-Night (but this is another story ;-p), "Don't fight the inevitable." And that is exactly what regrets are, inevitable. How? We're imperfect human beings programmed to endure "Trial & Error" lives, naturally making mistakes along the way. End result? A guaranteed, inevitable regret. It may be small and short-lived. Or haunting and lifelong. Either way, it's still a regret. And it's something we shouldn't stress about. It's something we shouldn't fight.

The thing is, regrets are meant to be lessons. And just like all lessons, we all need to be open-minded about it, yeah? First, we must be accepting that past is past, and that there's no use in crying over spilt milk. Why? Because of the ever flowing river of time... because things do get better in time.